I've always wondered how you could explain social media to your Grandma, i.e.: Short attention span, and clueless about the platforms. So to avoid putting you, or myself, in an awkward situation when the big question comes in, I've thought about a couple of definitions that could make you get away with it (You can thank me later):
1. It's a place where individuals seek greatness, and businesses fake friendliness
2. It's a two way conversation when there are no problems, and a one way conversation when there is one
3. It's a race between CEOs to recruit the biggest amount of
4. It's a place where all are jacks of all trades
5. It's a place where more people can see your content, fewer interact with, but those few are greater than your real life friends, so it gives you an orgasmic feeling
6. A training ground for dictators
7. It's a place where marketeers invent new and big words that sell innovative and strategic ideas, but end up on relying on direct advertising
8. It's a place where everybody is happy it went "viral", but in fact it actually went "bacterial"
9. It's a place where those who don't take it seriously succeed, and those who do fail
10. I don't know, what are you cooking today?
If you reach reading through here, I'd also recommend reading this piece of crap
The consultants are on board, the gurus, the managers, the directors, the executives, the heroes, the dicks, those who make coffee and those who only drink it...in short, everybody who runs your business, to discuss your social networking strategy or social media strategy or the people's strategy, or whatever you want to call it. But how do you know that it is more a social NOTWorking strategy for you and your business?
If during that very important meeting:
- All you can discuss during the meeting is how many likes your post got on Facebook, or how many times your tweet got retweeted
- You have no clue what you're talking about, but it's awesome that you have many fans and followers
- There is a dude that keeps on posting on your page's wall, in a language that you don't understand, and you find it funny
- You are discussing a 5 years social plan (Hahahaa! 5 years, this is fucking hilarious, like there's still going to be internet in 5 years)
- The IT manager is present in the meeting
- You think that your Twitter account would do awesomly better if you change the background picture
- You're wondering why your sales haven't increased 1 week after you launched your Facebook page
- You're community manager wants to date half of your fan base
- Your mum is the first to congratulate you and like your page post, while mentioning your name
- You perceive "virality" as the number of likes or retweet
- LinkedIn sucks because you don't know how to use it
- You have an awesome process of how to deal with negative comments, but no clue about the positive ones
If any of the above apply, you should probably reconsider your social notworking strategy.
For those who came all the way here, and did not like the post, don't worry, I have something for you so you don't leave disappointed:
According to Facebook Advertisers, the best way to get clicks on your ads is to use boobs, or faces of people who have nice boobs, regardless of content or relevance. To the left are a couple of ads I've seen during my rare visit to Facebook. Enjoy the freedom of speech.
Ads by Google
- How would you explain social media to your Grandma?
- How do you know when you’re Socially NOTWorking?
- The boobs will get you clicks!
- Does my content suck?
- Why do people quote?
- The thin red line between being a dick and an angry customer
- Follow Friday every Friday
- Bust a social media consultant
- Social Media – The non-functional magical wand
- The Free Facebook Fan page that you are paying for!